daisies in November

No other word can describe her feeling except, tired.

Yes, she is. 

Almost five months she has been struggling her own feeling at office, struggling with her colleagues, persons that spend more than 10 hours a day with her. It has been such a tiring feeling.

It started when her team member – her trusted colleague, friend, and subordinate – decided to resign and going to leave her with a group of people that not cooperative enough; group of people that full of fake and hypocrites. When she found out that her colleague will leave, her feeling was chaos and so stressful, not only she has to stand out alone now but she also has join the Company less than a year, so her knowledge is not that much. She worried how to work and keep the balance in the office; because she knew every single little things will come to her and she felt not ready and well prepared. She trusted her colleague that much until she felt so down with this decision. Her mood changed with very easy and it was very hard to keep smile on her face.

Since she joined the Company, she tried to keep the balance in the office with her colleague, tried to solve every problems that came together and never leave each other. So, yes, this decision worried her that much. Worried that she couldn’t handle all, worried that she is not able enough to take care the balance between work and social life. She felt lame and unstable. So little time to catch up and learn everything, she was worried her head couldn’t handle that much.

Then, during this unstable and moody feeling, this sensitive man came to complete her chaos feeling. He felt that she was so arrogant and fake to gave smile to everyone, especially to him every morning greetings. He was sensitive and felt that she didn’t want to be friend or work with him at used to; due to she never gave proper morning greetings – she only smiled and sometimes walk away, never gave him morning greetings in return. He, ever since never say any greetings nor hello and gave arrogant attitudes such silence and never look in the eyes while talking. He just walked away and never gave same warm-hearted attitudes anymore her, though mediation and communication way has been taken by both of them – helped by another colleague who wanted to help to make the situation melted. But some hearts just keep froze and stay still. 

She cried silently, not knowing what actually the problems. She felt really lonely now. Losing colleagues that she knew and trusted will keep the balance together.

New guy came and tried to be her new colleague. Unfortunately, he didn’t have same mission and vision to achieve the goal. She struggle enough to lead and teach him, yet he was a stubborn person and has his own mindset. That’s a difficult thing to do for her, since each Office rules and standards that she told was bounced back by him because he has his own priorities and principles. Argue and emotions were inevitable. She tried to talked and communicate with him privately and still no changes yet. So tried to talk to her Seniors and Managers. They asked her to wait during his probation period and tried to cooperate more with him. 

Time came to decide whether he continued to be her team member or not. This is actually also another struggling feelings for her. One side she needs a member to support the operational of the office, while the other side, the new guy couldn’t cooperate well enough for support. After many advices from Seniors she decided to works alone for temporary until they found the right person instead. 

There she goes, work by herself to complete all the stages. Accuracy has to be maintained while demanding instructions, orders, and reports just can’t be stopped. She couldn’t hold her head for even a minute, she has to force her whole body and mind to stay as one piece. While the other side, there are always still uncooperative and unrespect colleagues. This situation was just some that she couldn’t managed or controlled.

 

When just she felt her feelings were almost burst out, there came a gentleman that pay attention to her lately and cared enough to hold her. That night he gave her bunches of daisies. Mini daisies, with two different colors; orange and purple. He whispered, “To bring colors to your days“. She remembered precisely that the gentleman came in early November and she full of tears in sudden knowing that her feeling was so fragile. Maybe he came like an angel to tell her not to giving up by these tiring feelings and life dramas – more likely an office dramas. One bunches of daisies enough to remind her all the dramas are just dramas and life is just not complete without dramas. It’s okay to have dramas but remember to stay live and move on.

 

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One month to December and there’s daisies in November.

.. 

 

Fake.

“She has the most fake smile!”

“Screw, he is so fake”

“Look at her butt, it is fake!”

“My God, he act so fake I can’t help!”

“Don’t gather with them, they are fake friends”

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And now I look at the mirror and questioned,

“Since when human never fake themselves to others, especially to themselves?

Human, never feel enough.

Human, will always find something else to be more.

Human, always find some answer to protect themselves.

 

Human, never can be alone.”

 

Sometimes we have to make something fake for better environment and for positive purposes. It is back to our own intention, positive (good) or negative (bad). It is always get back to your heart, because as a human, we will always options to be chose.

 

Still starring at the mirror and truly I smiled, “I’m not alone”.

 

…

Just Wanna Know Vs Care

Do you agree if I state,

“Just-want to-know doesn’t mean care, but

Care is always relate to just-want to-know”

 

Two but has different way of look

 

I have seen a lot of people who love being “just-want to-know” but actually careless. They just pretend questioning just to compare with their own life. If my life sounds pretty good, they usually ask for mercy of their life or someone to pity their life. If I have some troubles, they usually will only say “Oh, that’s so pity. Hope you will find good solutions” but that’s it they don’t even help to find any solutions. If they give solutions, they will always return or reflect to their own life.

 

Very rare I found caring person, but when I do I will keep them as my friend and I will treat them well. Being caring is actually one good character that each person can have. I believe that everyone has their caring side, but on their own level. Some might care for themselves and some might care for others. Most people that I met are care for themselves and their little scoop of life.

 

Bless with people who can care not only for themselves

 

Some are worth to be called as a friend because they add colors to your life and stay with you to make it keep colored and bright

Some are worth to be called as a passenger because they will just add color to your life but not stay to make it bright

 

For me, a passenger will teach and give many life experiences and will open your eyes and mind, to make you wide awake that life sometimes can be so rough or tough but at the same time also sweet. They put color but they will be gone.

 

If being cares already part of your character, do not let anything change it

If some try to change it, don’t worry, if it’s your character you will always find way back to return

Pardon.

One sentence reminds me the power of one word

 

“Understand the meaning of Sorry

Forgive yourself first,

Ask forgiveness from others”

 

People usually say sorry without understand the meaning of it

The meaning is not as simple when you say it with loud or whisper

It related to your pride, actually

What I believe, there’s no one in this world who would take to be blamed (for everything)

People usually will find any justifications to defend themselves, to make them feel right, to support their own.

 

That’s what makes one word so rare to be said with right and heart-full

 

Envy with the wise men that able to say it without ruins their pride

Maybe that’s why people call them “wise”

They do know when to say sorry in a proper way and time

Then, others will not only take the apology but also respect

 

I believe we need time and process to say it with gentle and heart-full

For some people maybe it will take a life-time or maybe not

It depends on every one of us

The point is, we need to be open minded; accept ourselves and others as part of the world living

 

As a quote might say,

 

“Sorry doesn’t mean you are loose and the other wins. Sorry can be meant to put your ego beside others”

 

Just a reminder, world contains people with ego – huge ego, and somehow it can be a destructive thing in social life. Therefore to make a peaceful world living, “Sorry” can be a huge part too. One powerful word that will effect to forgiveness that can lead to a strong world living.

 

Apology and forgive.

 

Two words that connected to each other. Two words that can bring us inner peace.

If Life Gives You Lemon

It’s been a while I’m not writing.

Maybe I’m just to enjoy what life gives me recently.

I’ve been pretty busy with life and taking care of myself.

Working is like my first priority though I work hard, I also spend hard too.

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They said, “If life gives you lemon, then make lemonade”

For me, there’s always sweet little things in every lemon drops.

Such as an unpredictable friendship, flowers in the gloomy morning, a cheerful greeting in a hectic day, a free cup of a coffee on a dizzy work, a hug on a fragile soul, the unending love from family every single day.

Maybe I cannot make fresh lemonade, but I believe the lemonade still can be drunk. Though it’s not as delicious as in the restaurant, at least I am not poisoning myself. It’s not perfect but there’s always something to feel grateful.

Negativity can be a poison. It’s like a virus that can be spread and poisoned others. Recently I’m work in a negativity area, my colleagues and even my manager. I was trying so hard to not get the negativity. It’s so hard for me, because every human has their own weak spot and every human is fragile.

Though I believe people can change, but I also believe in basic character. If a person has bad basic character, it will be so difficult for them to change to be positive person. Meanwhile if a person has good character, it will be difficult to get the negativity. How hard I believe people can change, but if the person has bad character, they just cannot be changed. They want to change but just cannot, because they feel that they don’t know how to change.

Somehow, there are always positive things to be sought and thought. By those I survive though I struggle every day but at least I am not poisoning others.

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If life gives you lemon, enjoy every drops then make the lemonade

Life [ always ] be a good teacher

Two Years and [Almost] One Year

It’s been two years since our official date, and you are so lucky I’m still thinking of you. Your touch, your kisses, our bitter—sweet, our memories. Everything had touched me to my deepest feeling. Still remember the Gondola—for the first time you asked me to be yours—the place and the feeling. I just can’t remove it easily. You became my first for everything, and I know you will never believe that.

Still remember the last fight that brought us to this separation and silence. The separation and silence taught me well to understand what have happened between us. Taught me well to understand that both of us deserve someone else better. Taught me well to move on, though I still sometimes look back, but I know that I have to keep moving forward.

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It’s been a year I have this sweet relationship with you. I can’t describe how lucky I am, and I almost speechless when I have to talk about you. You always try to be here and there. Though you are not perfect and you are not my type, you really keep trying that hard. You broke all of my defensive thoughts.

I keep smiling to remember all memories that we have. Every single moment, though sometimes it’s bitter but somehow you always know how make it right again. I am a tough yet you are tougher. Still want to make a long journey with you. Still want to make everything happen with you. The “get—used” felling is already between us. Stay with me, for more years.

Love – Care – Share

February always comes up with love matters. People never get bored talking about love with their own ways. In fact, does anyone understand the meaning of the word itself?

Love, for me, is abstract and too wide, cannot describe with single word or sentence. Love, for me, maybe is about action(s) with pure good intention.

Life gives me lessons and now I keep telling myself that “Love” is a sacred word, which will not means anything if we don’t do any actions for it. It’s just a single word with empty feeling and meaning if we don’t understand how to fill it.

It will be so much better if we put the following words to it, such Care and Share. If we love someone or something, we basically will care to her/him/it, and then we will share the positivity of caring to others.

For example, if we able to say that we love our precious camera, we will care for it. We will clean it every time we used it and will put it in the proper place. We will use it properly and share the photos from the camera; we will share the art of it. People will see the positivity or good from it. The photos came from the camera that had taken good care by us.

If we love our pet, we will care our pet. We will feed, wash, shelter, and comfort them. People around us will see that our pet is taken good care by us, and by that we have share the love to our pet.

And it will be the same if we love our mate; girlfriend or boyfriend. We will care for them by let the good feelings grow and never let them feel alone. By showing the caring things to our mate, we have share the world the positivity and people surround us will see the good things have happened.

People sometimes act based on some events, how if you do the care and share things every day?

I think, you will feel the Valentine every day.

Do not limit your actions of showing love, and the important thing, do not expect too much in return.

Trust me, high expectation will put you on high risk, and if we are talking about love, it will hurt you so bad if your expectation is not even equal with yours.

My little cliché advice are, do everything with good and pure intention, and really, you have to try not to expect in return that much.

Remember, add Care and Share to your Love and world will give you more.

As a Human

This is just a reminder / note-to-self about being a human. Inspiration of this note came from a temporary tattoo that I chose on a bazaar, few weeks ago.

I chose this tattoo to remain me that I am only human and as a human, I realize that I have limit, I have some lack, and of course not perfect.

Like many other, sometimes we forget that we are human with limitation. By forgetting what the most important in life, we used to judge others by the limitation they have. In fact, maybe we are attacking our own limitation since we cannot blame ourselves, then we blame others.

People used to judge others with many ways and sometimes they just don’t realize what they were doing to others. They don’t even realize that they’re hurting others by many ways. Actually, by not realizing, that’s our limitation.

As a social man, we have to understand not only what we want/need in life, but also other people. Feel secure and comfort, these two become two things that we need in life.

The key is respect.

Life gives me many experiences and many trials; by those I learn many things as a human. I learn to give others privacy of their own secrets and I always try to be a friend instead of search a friend. I believe by doing those, I can help others to find comfort zone and security for their own.

I have a faith, if a person has find his comfort and security zone from their side, he will be able to respect himself and then, what comes to important is, respect others.

As a human, there’s always another chance or option to start something new or fix something’s not right, but never can to change what had happened. This theory, somehow, is to remind us to move on. We cannot live in the past, but we live by the past. We learned from the past to be a better person.

So, be human, and grateful for that.