daisies in November

No other word can describe her feeling except, tired.

Yes, she is. 

Almost five months she has been struggling her own feeling at office, struggling with her colleagues, persons that spend more than 10 hours a day with her. It has been such a tiring feeling.

It started when her team member – her trusted colleague, friend, and subordinate – decided to resign and going to leave her with a group of people that not cooperative enough; group of people that full of fake and hypocrites. When she found out that her colleague will leave, her feeling was chaos and so stressful, not only she has to stand out alone now but she also has join the Company less than a year, so her knowledge is not that much. She worried how to work and keep the balance in the office; because she knew every single little things will come to her and she felt not ready and well prepared. She trusted her colleague that much until she felt so down with this decision. Her mood changed with very easy and it was very hard to keep smile on her face.

Since she joined the Company, she tried to keep the balance in the office with her colleague, tried to solve every problems that came together and never leave each other. So, yes, this decision worried her that much. Worried that she couldn’t handle all, worried that she is not able enough to take care the balance between work and social life. She felt lame and unstable. So little time to catch up and learn everything, she was worried her head couldn’t handle that much.

Then, during this unstable and moody feeling, this sensitive man came to complete her chaos feeling. He felt that she was so arrogant and fake to gave smile to everyone, especially to him every morning greetings. He was sensitive and felt that she didn’t want to be friend or work with him at used to; due to she never gave proper morning greetings – she only smiled and sometimes walk away, never gave him morning greetings in return. He, ever since never say any greetings nor hello and gave arrogant attitudes such silence and never look in the eyes while talking. He just walked away and never gave same warm-hearted attitudes anymore her, though mediation and communication way has been taken by both of them – helped by another colleague who wanted to help to make the situation melted. But some hearts just keep froze and stay still. 

She cried silently, not knowing what actually the problems. She felt really lonely now. Losing colleagues that she knew and trusted will keep the balance together.

New guy came and tried to be her new colleague. Unfortunately, he didn’t have same mission and vision to achieve the goal. She struggle enough to lead and teach him, yet he was a stubborn person and has his own mindset. That’s a difficult thing to do for her, since each Office rules and standards that she told was bounced back by him because he has his own priorities and principles. Argue and emotions were inevitable. She tried to talked and communicate with him privately and still no changes yet. So tried to talk to her Seniors and Managers. They asked her to wait during his probation period and tried to cooperate more with him. 

Time came to decide whether he continued to be her team member or not. This is actually also another struggling feelings for her. One side she needs a member to support the operational of the office, while the other side, the new guy couldn’t cooperate well enough for support. After many advices from Seniors she decided to works alone for temporary until they found the right person instead. 

There she goes, work by herself to complete all the stages. Accuracy has to be maintained while demanding instructions, orders, and reports just can’t be stopped. She couldn’t hold her head for even a minute, she has to force her whole body and mind to stay as one piece. While the other side, there are always still uncooperative and unrespect colleagues. This situation was just some that she couldn’t managed or controlled.

 

When just she felt her feelings were almost burst out, there came a gentleman that pay attention to her lately and cared enough to hold her. That night he gave her bunches of daisies. Mini daisies, with two different colors; orange and purple. He whispered, “To bring colors to your days“. She remembered precisely that the gentleman came in early November and she full of tears in sudden knowing that her feeling was so fragile. Maybe he came like an angel to tell her not to giving up by these tiring feelings and life dramas – more likely an office dramas. One bunches of daisies enough to remind her all the dramas are just dramas and life is just not complete without dramas. It’s okay to have dramas but remember to stay live and move on.

 

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One month to December and there’s daisies in November.

.. 

 

If Life Gives You Lemon

It’s been a while I’m not writing.

Maybe I’m just to enjoy what life gives me recently.

I’ve been pretty busy with life and taking care of myself.

Working is like my first priority though I work hard, I also spend hard too.

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They said, “If life gives you lemon, then make lemonade”

For me, there’s always sweet little things in every lemon drops.

Such as an unpredictable friendship, flowers in the gloomy morning, a cheerful greeting in a hectic day, a free cup of a coffee on a dizzy work, a hug on a fragile soul, the unending love from family every single day.

Maybe I cannot make fresh lemonade, but I believe the lemonade still can be drunk. Though it’s not as delicious as in the restaurant, at least I am not poisoning myself. It’s not perfect but there’s always something to feel grateful.

Negativity can be a poison. It’s like a virus that can be spread and poisoned others. Recently I’m work in a negativity area, my colleagues and even my manager. I was trying so hard to not get the negativity. It’s so hard for me, because every human has their own weak spot and every human is fragile.

Though I believe people can change, but I also believe in basic character. If a person has bad basic character, it will be so difficult for them to change to be positive person. Meanwhile if a person has good character, it will be difficult to get the negativity. How hard I believe people can change, but if the person has bad character, they just cannot be changed. They want to change but just cannot, because they feel that they don’t know how to change.

Somehow, there are always positive things to be sought and thought. By those I survive though I struggle every day but at least I am not poisoning others.

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If life gives you lemon, enjoy every drops then make the lemonade

Life [ always ] be a good teacher

Green on Your Desk

Be Creative.

Have you ever feel bored with your own desk, which (sometimes) full of papers and documents, and that’s make your bad mood come out?

Some people put dolls, fresh plants, photographs, another view, or sometimes motivation words to boost their mood during work. While me, well, actually coffee always be my good companion in my every mood, but I realize that I need to control my consumption of caffeine. So as an alternative, I made a little decoration(s) using dried plants and unused bottle/cup.

I tried to recycle their function. Well, fresh plants are always sweeter and fresh, but when we forget to maintain it, it will be withered and costly. That’s why I used the dried plants and nowadays it’s kinda new hobby for me. Let me share you mine 🙂

You need : pebbles (little rocks), dried plants, and unused bottle/cup. Becareful, not all flowers can be dried and still look good. Until now, I only know rose can be dried naturally and still look good. For this time I used dried leaves, but sadly I don’t know precisely from what tree that it came, I just took it from my yard.

Step one : Prepare the unused cup. I used sample cup from a coffee shop.

 … 1. The unused cup

Step two : Prepare some pebbles. I bought a pack of pebbles from a plant store.

 … 2. The pebbles

Step three : Prepare the dried plants. I used dried leaves.

 … 3. The dried plants

Step four : To make the dried plants stand steady I used a “tack-it” (a removable adhesive), then put it on a bottle cap. You can directly put the plants inside the cup. Put it in the centre of the cup.

 … 4a. Steadied the plants

 … 4b. Put it in the centre of the cup

Step five : Pour the pebbles slowly into the cup. For me, it’s just need a quarter of the cup.

 … 5. Pour the pebbles

Step six : Voila! Put it on your desk and it’s already look green enough 🙂

 … Taaa daaaa!

Oh, I added a crane-origami as a sweeter

 

 

You can create anythings just to make your day brighten.

Just a simple DIY can make my day

 

 

 Wish your day be green!

Start New Job

I let go.

That sentence, for some people, similar to “let go of someone you love”

For me, that sentence means I let go the comfortable area I’ve lived in for at least 4,5 years by being an external auditor.

I let go the privileges by being an external auditor and the comfortable area of working.

Yeah, I let go for something that I love and start to love again.

 

It needs courage to move on.

It took me some weeks thinking which one was the right decision, whether to work in the new place or stay. Hard for me to leave all of my colleagues and the clients. Though clients are sometimes so hard to be reached because they have many procedures, rules and etc. But working with many clients just like working with vary people and vary circumstances, and you will gain plenty of experiences and knowledges. That was totally exciting.

Talking about colleagues. Well for person who had worked for 4,5 years at the same company, colleagues are become the most comfortable  environment. Not just being “a colleague”, but it also had grown to “a friend”. That’s two different thing. As a colleague, you will only chat and hanging around while you’re working and at the working area. Being a friend is wider than that. We share all emotions as human being (not only emotions at work), experiences of life and love (eventually), and hanging around, spend time, talking together, discuss anything except work. I miss the team.

 

It’s ego talk.

I have to think about myself. How’s my progress? Not about job, more about myself. I think I have less time to socialize and expand myself wider that what and who I am now. People around me had reminded me all the time about this. I had no clue that time. How to get out from this? How to change the world that I’ve known for this past years? Questioning and searching for almost a year. Until the offering for new job came.

 

Moving.

This is the answer, I guess. So I moved to the new company and new environment. The job desks also different and challenge me to do more about myself. New things, though it’s still in my background’s scope.

By hoping each day for better days and better me, of course.

 

So it’s not about leaving all I had, but it’s about developing and knowing myself further more.

 

It’s about starting new.